Wednesday, October 20, 2010

You are so dumb. You are really dumb. For real.

Austrailia and the Lies We Have Been Told

Austrailia is not what it appears to be.  Most think Austrailia is home to lovely koala bears, Former Live Person Steve Irwn, and a cute accent (if you are a faggot).

 Austrailia was formed as a PRISON COLONY for Britain back when they controlled the enitire known world (ANOTHER STORY ENTIRELY!).  YES, a PRISON COLONY! In fact, the inmates of this establishment had commited crimes so heinous, Britain decided to ship them to an island HALF WAY AROUND THE WORLD!  This is the modern day equivalent of sending the rest of the jews to the moon.  IT IS OUTRAGEOUS!  BUT that's not the scary part.

 At some point in time, Britain kind of forgot about this island of the criminally batshit insane, and DECIDED, instead of governing this camp of inmates itself, to GIVE THEM THE CONTINENT ISLAND TO RULE THEMSELVES.  SInce, you know, they were stuck out in the middle of the Asians' Oceans some halfway around the world. And it just happened like 150 years ago.

Its like releasing a serial killer 20 years early and handing him the fucking KEYS TO THE CITY! And now Austrailia a legitimate country with their own place in the rest of the world LIKE THERE A FUCKING NORMAL COUNTRY!  The entire population of Austrailia are the decendents of these criminals and the staff of the prision who were stupid enough to go there to live afterwards.  So, now we basically have a entire country of criminals and sons and daughters of criminals who function as a fairly large source of world investment.

Then, the kicker. Since "Austrailia" is a real country now and has been for 150 or so years, we allow them to have nukes. YES, you read that right, nukes.  Why?  Because America was busy fighting a FUCKING CIVIL WAR when Australia was given free rein and they we were kind of busy.  You understand, right?  Why do we care so much about middle eastern countries having nukes?  I'd rather give a baby nuke to every newborn child in Iraq and Iran then let some crazy fucker that is a decendent of a serial murderer/rapist/arsonist that was schizophrenic.

Even if the towelheads did launch nukes at us, I would not be that worried because now we have FRIGGIN' SPACE LASERS that will shoot down any long-range nukes from OUTER FRIGGIN SPACE!   What kind of shit is that? Not to mention an air strike squadron we could launch from basically anywhere in the world that could take down a nuke before it even got close.  But, I digress... Criminals with their own continent, whistling slyly like nothing ever happened, I bet they are just waiting until the entire world forgets about their upbringing and welcomes them as peers. . . OH WAIT....


  1. Well over the last century and a half, the decedents became better. Didn't they?

  2. Not doing too bad for a bunch of descendants of criminals. Live and let go, dude. They have to live with a bunch of killer animals every single day, so that even things out a bit.

  3. i knew this from history thats why i stay away from aussies

  4. lmao man, no lie this post made me lol.

  5. I always wondered why the Aussies I played online with were batshit crazy.

  6. I'm going to all everybody I know an ass-hat!