Saturday, October 2, 2010

An attempt at action writing

A masked figure appears from around a blind corner to Alice.  She spins, forming her arm into a war hammer and clobbers her foe, striking him in the right temple and folding him permanently.  A second attacker, also shrouded in black clothing, lunges from a hanging posture in the rafters legs arched and locked in a deadly formation.  Alice effortlessly slides a few inches to the side, just out of reach of the kick, and slams him with a devastating blow knocking the assailant to the ground.  A quick snap of her foot breaks his neck leaving one less person after her.

Without warning, the click of a handgun echoed in her ears from behind her.  She pivots to face her attacker.  The man has a .45 caliber twitching nervously at her forehead.  She tries to speak in an attempt to disable him but before that can ever happen he launches with an opening round.  At this range, the fire and black smoke exiting the camber of his gun look reminiscent of a battleship cannon firing.

A shimmer of light trails along the area where the bullet strikes Alice.  She stares at him with ominous intent unscathed by his attack.  Raising her arm and grasping her fingers together slowly, her victim writhes in agony his eyes red and glazed from the searing pain.  At this point this guy's mind is totally fucked.  I feel it necessary to be frank here so I'll repeat that for emphasis.  This guy's mind is totally fucked.  He's thinking about prepubescent half-children, half-demon horse creatures prodding his asshole with hot fiery pitchforks while the pipe that connects to the entire world's sewers and empties right into his mouth.  It's the worst possible thing that this particular person can imagine happening to them.  And he's now in that shit infested hellhole because she put him there, all with just a twist of her wrist and her will to do so.  The relief for him will come when this process kills him in just a few seconds.  That is unless real hell is worse than anyone can imagine.  Expired, his body falls as a lump to the ground, his head now ablaze, smoldering. 

With all the assailants incapacitated, Alice starts down the corridor.  She has to keep moving.

36 comments:

  1. Nice writing, I felt really drawn into the action and couldn't stop reading after I started. Looking forward to some more of your works.

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  2. luv your writing it's like a full on adventure, waiting for more!

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  3. I like this writing you have here.

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  4. I just freaked out! Note to self don't read your posts while intoxicated!

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  5. Intense. I'm looking forward to more.

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  6. ^^^lehcror is right, im drunk right now, gave me a weird feeling, haha, guess that means youre doing it right...keep it up

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  7. aww man this is some good stuff, i got sucked right into it... post more!!! lol

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  8. Quite and interesting story, I liked it!

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  9. Pretty cool! Keep writing and I'll keep reading.

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  10. hey, this is one of my more favorite posts from you :)

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  11. Liked it, found your transition in tone halfway through it to be kind of odd. Was laughing at the "his mind is totally fucked," part.

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  12. Got some talent here.
    Keep at it.

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  13. Pretty descriptive writing, fun to read!

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  14. very interesting cant wait for more :D

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  15. Awesome story cant wait to read more

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  16. cool post!
    supportin & follow you !..

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  17. I liked that. Hope you write more :)

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  18. You're a pretty good writer! Keep it up :)

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  19. Another great post. You're a pretty decent writer

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  20. Great post!

    looking forward to reading the next one

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  21. nice writing :) enjoyed it i must confess

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  22. why can't i write like this? nice stuff

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  23. Wow that was really good. I'll definately stay tuned for more!

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  24. This righting is very good,very discriptive

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  25. Great story I really loved your writing style.

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  26. i liked the flow

    btw comment from ur bro

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  27. awesome writing style! i loved it :D

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  28. i'll tell you op, it's a lot better than what most people could write
    check my blog for sick politics!

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