A complete random thinking experiment

Today, I'm going to try something completely different.  I am going to type out a train of thought. No editing besides spellcheck for clarity.  This is totally unedited.


Never doubt my ability to turn a conversation back towards myself as the topic.  It in itself is an unstoppable force of nature.  I could burn you to the ground but I would rather take all your trouble upon myself and burn them to the ground for you.  I want the world but I would settle for a smile.  If your life sucks so badly why do you keep making it worse with all these bad decisions?

Do you ever wonder what it would be like to rule the world?  To have the entire populous recognize you as leader and commander?  I feel that I would make an excellent and beneficial leader for our planet.  I wonder if every ruler in power has thought that at one time before gaining power?  I really don't think that is the case though.  I believe most people who are actually in power get there because of their own selfish goals that they want to accomplish.  Maybe power really does corrupt and I would be in the same position if I held a supreme office.  "Power corrupts and supreme power corrupts supremely."  I know I would be "the one" to take charge and not fall to corruption.  My spirit and intentions are too pure and resolute to do anything but what this world needs.

Ok, that was kind of intense.  I did stop in between those paragraphs because I had to use the bathroom but, other than that, this is one complete, unchanged train of thought.  No editing except spelling corrections. 

I just wanted you all to see how clinically insane I am.  Until next time...

You are so dumb. You are really dumb. For real.

Austrailia and the Lies We Have Been Told

Austrailia is not what it appears to be.  Most think Austrailia is home to lovely koala bears, Former Live Person Steve Irwn, and a cute accent (if you are a faggot).

 Austrailia was formed as a PRISON COLONY for Britain back when they controlled the enitire known world (ANOTHER STORY ENTIRELY!).  YES, a PRISON COLONY! In fact, the inmates of this establishment had commited crimes so heinous, Britain decided to ship them to an island HALF WAY AROUND THE WORLD!  This is the modern day equivalent of sending the rest of the jews to the moon.  IT IS OUTRAGEOUS!  BUT that's not the scary part.

 At some point in time, Britain kind of forgot about this island of the criminally batshit insane, and DECIDED, instead of governing this camp of inmates itself, to GIVE THEM THE CONTINENT ISLAND TO RULE THEMSELVES.  SInce, you know, they were stuck out in the middle of the Asians' Oceans some halfway around the world. And it just happened like 150 years ago.

Its like releasing a serial killer 20 years early and handing him the fucking KEYS TO THE CITY! And now Austrailia a legitimate country with their own place in the rest of the world LIKE THERE A FUCKING NORMAL COUNTRY!  The entire population of Austrailia are the decendents of these criminals and the staff of the prision who were stupid enough to go there to live afterwards.  So, now we basically have a entire country of criminals and sons and daughters of criminals who function as a fairly large source of world investment.

Then, the kicker. Since "Austrailia" is a real country now and has been for 150 or so years, we allow them to have nukes. YES, you read that right, nukes.  Why?  Because America was busy fighting a FUCKING CIVIL WAR when Australia was given free rein and they we were kind of busy.  You understand, right?  Why do we care so much about middle eastern countries having nukes?  I'd rather give a baby nuke to every newborn child in Iraq and Iran then let some crazy fucker that is a decendent of a serial murderer/rapist/arsonist that was schizophrenic.

Even if the towelheads did launch nukes at us, I would not be that worried because now we have FRIGGIN' SPACE LASERS that will shoot down any long-range nukes from OUTER FRIGGIN SPACE!   What kind of shit is that? Not to mention an air strike squadron we could launch from basically anywhere in the world that could take down a nuke before it even got close.  But, I digress... Criminals with their own continent, whistling slyly like nothing ever happened, I bet they are just waiting until the entire world forgets about their upbringing and welcomes them as peers. . . OH WAIT....

Another Split

I've decided to branch this blog again. For those of you not familiar with my second blog it is all about awesome animals that I like and can be found at Animamules.

The third blog will basically be a dream journal. Nothing too profound unless the dream just ends up that way but, I warn you, I often have very strange and epic dreams. Or at least they seem epic when I'm asleep! The main idea here is to motivate me to keep a dream journal again.

As for the main blog here, I will be updating this tomorrow with something. I haven't decided yet but I want to keep it in the realm of some of my writing or philosophy. Thanks to all my readers for keeping me motivated to share more!

EDIT: Just posted my first entry in the dream journal and realized I should probably link it!  So here it is Father Flame's Dream Journal

Can't we all be right?

Personal philosophy is just that, personal. When you write something philosophical that rings true to you, you believe it to be fact. Of course you do because you are guided by your own moral compass. When someone disputes your statement, you think they are wrong because you don't agree.

Recently, a close friend told me that I should be happy with myself and not try to find happiness in others. This was during conversation where I told her I was ready to find someone to see romantically. She challenged my preparedness, saying that I must be unhappy with myself to need someone to be happy with. My thought was that, I had to be satisfied with who I was as a person to put myself out there. I need to be whole and solid or it would be unfair to anyone I attempted to pursue.

Another friend, just as close and meaningful to me, if not more, told me that the ultimate goal in life was to make others happy without expectation. That we should go through life bringing happiness to everyone around us regardless of the outcome. This stemmed from me asking her how I could stop being so self-centered. I used to be a giver expecting nothing in return to all who asked. After being taken advantage of too many times, I turned a 180 and when things happened all I could think about was how they affected me.

Obviously, my friends' competing philosophies are in conflict on a certain level with each other.

I personally agree with both philosophies and think they can both stand on their own somewhat. Each of my friends believe their statements to be true and they both are to an extent. This begs the question, “How can that be?” How can two views on a subject be different but still correct?

When I told the altruistic friend the selfish friend's view, she disagreed saying that people wouldn't exist if we depended on only ourselves to be happy.

On the other hand, I disagreed slightly with my selfish friend saying that I could be happy with myself and still want someone else with me to make me happy. She disagreed wholeheartedly, believing that was an impossibility and that I hadn't understood or heard what she had said.

Both had good points and both would not deviate from their personal views which is virtuous in it's own right. However, all of our views, no matter how factual or ingrained they are in our own respective minds are only as true as we say they are. Is there an absolute between all of these beliefs or are we doomed by a reality of choices that are neither right nor wrong?

These are the thoughts I have while I'm pooping.

Edit:  I posted my rough draft like a dumbass.  Here is the final version.  D'oh.  2:12 PM 10/10/10

The Hill of Life

I was always with you
Now I'm beside you
Falling with you
Over the hill of life

You were stronger than I
But now I carry you
Lifting you up
Over the hill of life

We're nearing the end
Or are we?
Lost on the long journey
Over the hill of life

I never thought I'd see you
So low, down below me
Churning with an absence of thought
Over the hill of life

You're with me now, ever changing
Bringing upon me thoughts but all lies
Caring not for eternal forgiveness
Lost long about, far away
Over the Hill of Life

If you havin' blog problems I feel bad for you, son.

I got 99 followers but a snitch ain't one.

Thanks to all my readers out there!

And now for something completely different from the norm.

Aren't they adorable?

A return to self-discovery

I felt like breaking down to sob but I had nothing to cry about.  I still have many problems but the major one has been conquered.  Are we, as people, sadder if we have nothing to worry about, nothing more to anguish us?  Do we create scenarios to fuel our troublesome addiction to grief?  I do.  I have.  I don’t know why.  Why do I love pain when it makes me feel so terrible?  Many nights I have laid awake contemplating situations, relationships, and the inherent problems therein only to writhe in the pain they bring.  I don’t enjoy these, I wish I could sleep.  I wish I could breathe.  I wish I wasn’t so lonely. 

But I’m not lonely.  I’m always lonely.  People around me fill the void but not really.  Their absence affects me greatly but their presence doesn’t do much to dull the pain I feel.  When I knew someone would come home every night, I couldn’t soak up enough alone time.  Now that things are different and no one is there, I have too much free time.  Not that I miss the person.  But a person, nonetheless, is what I desire.

Why do we have to fill our hearts with others to be complete?  Why am I not enough to complete my self?  I don’t want to have to rely on another person just to feel happy.  In fact, I know that I don’t have to.  I am I by my self.  I must learn that happiness isn’t someone else.  Happiness is finding me, discovering who I am.  Maybe that is why happiness seems like a fleeting concept.  One of the true and tough tests in life is self discovery.  Many people spend their entire lives trying to figure out exactly who they are. 

But it is simple.  You are who you want to be.  You are what you want to be.  Who you are as a person is not confined by the external constraints of reality.  Who you are is defined by you.

A man once said that the only true freedom is death.  Another said that the truth will set you free.  I say that the only real freedom is the truth.  Death is but a release from the truth.  Lies make up our society, no, humanity as a whole.  We bask in treachery and feast in the deception.  Even our daily interactions with each other are plagued by half-truths, false truths, and downright bullshit. 

“But I have no worth, no purpose.”
“Then what are you hands for?”
“But no one cares about me.”
“Then what is your heart for?”

Another writing excerpt

There were a malady of sounds glaring around Sarah Silverman. This was not the actress Sara Silverman but she was still as obscure to the public eye. From the high pitched squeals of terrified people to the emergency sirens blaring all around, Sara could only focus on one sound, the sound that resonated in her mind constantly all day, everyday.

They say breathing is a natural, automatic response. That even if you "forget" to breathe, you still do. As was this sound that had the same persistent qualities that your brain does to breathe. It had literally driven her mad over time.

It started small and infrequent. She would hear a faint hum or ding. Sara thought this odd as one would a homeless person sleeping in a dumpster, strange but you know these things are bound to happen and, until you experience it yourself, you never really worry about it.

These beeps and chirps slowly evolved to the point Sara could hear muffled voices, nearly inaudible and blurred. She couldn't understand what they were saying but they voices reflected both male and female, young and old, English and foreign. This change in intensity is what started to freak Sara out.

She had lost ties with her friends and family over the last few months after the sounds stated failing to subside even for sleep. Sara probably hadn't even seen another live person for some time. That was, until now.

Sara fell to her knees, hand clenched to her head. A numbness swept over her body as if she was being filled with molten lava. The kind of numbness you feel having muscle and nerve tissue melting from the sheer heat of an inferno. A scream overcame her and the world outside her mind. Was it her screaming or one of the voices lost in her mind? She was unable to make that distinction anymore.

What just happened?

I feel like I've been living a double life.  There are the two competing personalities.  I thought of this was on the toilet talking to my Dad... or at least I was imaging having an honest conversation with him. 

But then It occurred to me, (I really need to back up) maybe we all live this way.  Maybe we all have not two but the multiple personalities that come from wherever the hell they come from.  I think its probably that since literally we are made up of other things (our parents who where created by their parents, maybe spirits abound that latch on as the scientologist say, a bit of everything and anything in some way) we have all these personalities from competing sources.  In our journey through life, we successfully compress the characteristics of these distinct and overlapping personalities into one presence if we can achieve it. 

So maybe I'm ok... but I'm pretty sure I'm just fucked up.

An attempt at action writing

A masked figure appears from around a blind corner to Alice.  She spins, forming her arm into a war hammer and clobbers her foe, striking him in the right temple and folding him permanently.  A second attacker, also shrouded in black clothing, lunges from a hanging posture in the rafters legs arched and locked in a deadly formation.  Alice effortlessly slides a few inches to the side, just out of reach of the kick, and slams him with a devastating blow knocking the assailant to the ground.  A quick snap of her foot breaks his neck leaving one less person after her.

Without warning, the click of a handgun echoed in her ears from behind her.  She pivots to face her attacker.  The man has a .45 caliber twitching nervously at her forehead.  She tries to speak in an attempt to disable him but before that can ever happen he launches with an opening round.  At this range, the fire and black smoke exiting the camber of his gun look reminiscent of a battleship cannon firing.

A shimmer of light trails along the area where the bullet strikes Alice.  She stares at him with ominous intent unscathed by his attack.  Raising her arm and grasping her fingers together slowly, her victim writhes in agony his eyes red and glazed from the searing pain.  At this point this guy's mind is totally fucked.  I feel it necessary to be frank here so I'll repeat that for emphasis.  This guy's mind is totally fucked.  He's thinking about prepubescent half-children, half-demon horse creatures prodding his asshole with hot fiery pitchforks while the pipe that connects to the entire world's sewers and empties right into his mouth.  It's the worst possible thing that this particular person can imagine happening to them.  And he's now in that shit infested hellhole because she put him there, all with just a twist of her wrist and her will to do so.  The relief for him will come when this process kills him in just a few seconds.  That is unless real hell is worse than anyone can imagine.  Expired, his body falls as a lump to the ground, his head now ablaze, smoldering. 

With all the assailants incapacitated, Alice starts down the corridor.  She has to keep moving.

Fateful Distractions

My thoughts are the barbed wire of contempt
My dreams the lucid images of God
My hands broken but able to perform miracles

This is the will that guides me
This makes it all for naught
Will I be able to break through fate?

My dreams are a nightmarish raze
My mind a butterfly fluttering in despair
My heart is a weighty anchor lodged deep into my chest
I am solitude, I am loneliness, I am alone.

I race through the broken doorway
Unable to see what lies through
My legs ache with the pain of a thousand miles ran
My knees cry out like they do only when it rains
I will keep running through that doorway
Time and time again
Even though it’s a gaping chasm
That I think I can never fill.

A dream

Tonight I had a dream that I was walking down a wooded trail.  You were following me.  The path kept splitting every once in awhile.  At the split you asked me if I wanted you to follow me.  I said, "No, go your own way."  You departed down the opposite path each time not a care in the world.  The next split came up and we followed the same scenario.  Split after split we stuck to the routine.  I ended the path and you were still there right behind me.  Just like I had wanted all along but was too afraid to say.

The Father of the Flames

The father of flames and the water goddess dance together, encircling each other in a spiral, enticing and luring them closer, never touching but knowing each others movements with definity.  They continue the dance gazing into the other's eyes for recognition of longing, knowing that embrace would destroy them both.  Questioning the meaning and sanity involved as fire and water cannot exist together.  Yet they draw closer still, their attraction a necessity.  Change is the ultimate outcome whether or not destruction is complete.